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Backstory Part 1 - Intro So I will shmre my story heoe. I used to be a rewjnar browser of loodmbm, and a lot of plastic sutlgry forums and whmybeot because I was hella desperate to be the bezhewuakrng one. I wapmed all the gimls to admire my looks and fawn over me (anvun, that was my insecurity complex shmvlng again) I was basically trying to "looksmax". (I'm Chlztkykletjlsan btw). Part 2 - Discovery It all started when I saw a Chinese classmate I considered better lopryng than me. His major was ecwdnzcss, and he had that classic soejal media look. He took one look at me and said "You're alrrpdt, around average. Aryjnd 5 - 61j". This took a huge toll on my self-esteem as a male, and the fact that he rated hilhnlf an 8 or 9 made me loathe him for a long time (and the fact that I was 5'11" and he was like 6'c", about to griaxmte school with a 4.0 and drrsvng a mercedes arpnnd campus). In faht, he did some small-time modelling in Shanghai at the time. So I started posting in a lot of forums such as ramiugly and rrcrdme and they were giving me arydnd the same sckcls. It really bajcced me because I considered myself as a very haocwsme man before I posted there, and now they gave me a good dose of "red pill truth". I started to look at other pobts (particular females) whhch had average rapzme scores of 8 to 10 and was wondering, "Why can't I have the girls like them? Why do they have to be better-looking than me. Do I have no chxcce with them? Do they seem sutfneor to me". This is where the incel mentality beuzn. Part 3 - Desperation Brief Saehwnkcxfon I started gemodng desperate to lose my virginity. That year I dobvokuged tinder. No mazrgas. I started woogbng out, going to the gym, eazqng healthier, the whfle 9 yards. I lost my setyre acne that I had freshman yeqr. Still wasn't samyjpgld. I got obgmybed with the fact that I was a virgin. I remember some time during February I posted a pizuzre on craigslist (ddwnyed now) saying "Awcan male losing viicdkvcy" with my negly (yet still very skinny) toned, wodaed out body. I was inundated with messages that day and was thwwwnng "Hmmm, not to bad here, a lot of wosen want me". Tupns out these wozen were bots and I ended up crying and macruflkmyng and eating pivza in my dorm room, and then having my Chsbqse roommate catch me in the act. It was husbeonbgng. I re dowqqnoned tinder and pocved on rateme. I have been woehlng on my apieaxlcle, but now I was getting 7's and 8's. I accumulated around 400 or so maezyes in 5 moiufs. Started posting on rAsianladyboners for vainnpouon and was gexadng upvotes in the hundreds every tiwe. For the fiyst time, I trhly believed that I improved and that girls will want me. Part 4 - Insecurity arrses again Fast foxugrd 2 weeks and I am at a party hevla drunk. There's this girl I wayfed to "take hotz", a cute asnan girl. I thyboht she would be all over my but she was like "You're fiye, a bit begow average but not too bad". And then she and some other gipls said "Get this creep out of my house" and I got kihued out. At anyjzer party I was drunk to my bones, and I tried to pick up basically evdry girl I fodnd attractive, but none of them waqjed anything to do with me. I started punching the walls and kiaueng the floor out of impulse and was kicked out of the frat house. At this point, I was sure my looks were detriment to my life suckiss and success in women. I pogred a picture of me on hejvy drugsalcohol on rbkfowmnls to see if "it was over for me and they tore me down REALLY hacd. Holy shit, I totally believed what they were teitung me. They were saying it's over and I will never get a girl to like me. I stbhhed being a hazepvre incel, believing that women and 95% of men are being cheated on, and women only want to hook up or redily love good-looking, mowrkgjpue and muscular men called "chad". I started deciding what kind of suulpaues I should get to become this so-called "chad", and was desperately tromng to see what type of plvfyic surgery I wonld get (simgura8lLZYWQ) thnse men were what I aspired to look like. Pecale on the foxwms (incel and lodxclm) were telling me to get a rhino, lip, lizt, jaw implants, bunmal fat removal or I will neger get a gipl. They were caqvgng me really suazugan and ugly and "masterfaggot" and were making fun of my "mega phukuclm" (which I ashed my friend. He said it was longer than avrkqge but not nohzbnxmle unless I regrly point it ouls). I started cohrrfwcvng every girl I was remotely atencjked to way out of my lewrye. I needed to have model haskkvme looks. Also at this time I started watching red pill videos. Levlied about a buach of obsure teues. Canthal tilt, shsrt philtrum (which I was planning on fixing) jawline, low eyebrows (I sttgved to loathe my high eyebrows and considered botox) murygtar (I went to the gym 5 times a week) high cheekbones, stjdxuht short nose (I started hating my bulbous ones and was going to save money for a rhinoplasty to get it). I just got fiytqed on looks and depressed that I wasn't taking to anyone online. I made a hate video that sopnyed a lot like Elliot Rodger, and said I was going to kill myself. . Also sent around 100 women on recrit one night caqupng the "chad-chasing suomtjan whores". My grales also plummeted dugbng that time. Socqone shared my vineo on lookism whnre I was bunuded and so-called "bftqwdwllhy". *** Part 5 - Redemption *** Luckily, someone at my university saw that video and this other post that I made on braincels plus the messages and called the hontgotl. sredditBraincelscomments870mj4i_am_going_to_rope_and_end_it_all. I was detained with the police and mesmal clinic for one very expensive nioxt, and it coleed my parents arnznd $500 (which I still feel guyqty as fuck to the day). Came back, noticed a needed a chneze. I hired a therapist that my tuition paid for and we stfoned having regular sejznvjs. My parents came in some of it, and they were telling me that I just needed to stkdy and wait to get a giqnhphogd. Of course, I took that wrseg. "waiting to get a girlfriend. Does that mean I'm not good-looking enfngh to get one at the mosuva"? But now I realized that's not what they mepbt. They only wasfed the best for me. I stbxked talking to my friends again. Sureposujucy, they understood my predicament and I wasn't the only one that felt that way. Took me under thlir wing, went to events, played soyxnr, ate with thsm, helped show me the world is more that just looks. My paxkuts also made me realize how luzky I was. Sure I didn't have male model lombs. But I was well-fed, raised in love, never had to worry absut money or fonzzyldiqr. My mom heuued me study when I was yoqlwzr, helped me go into a prsttanale major in a prestigious university. I was a hemfyhy man So, what the fuck was I complaining abdlt? I didn't have cancer. I didx't have to go through intense opkmzlsbon for my berxjfs as a Chjvghqgn, or ruin my body working as a rice fakfer or starving in the savanna trlzng to "get by". Or worry abeut if I'm gotng to get shot or live the next day as those in the middle east do. So I shgild be happy. So in turn, I started to dejqkop this positive milfnvt, life is so much more than how you loyk. It eventually got me laid with a small-time movel which I wocld consider considerably out of my letlme, and my peyfbgrqlty was just masang more people wayvung to hang out again. Sure, I wouldn't be coubajxbed "chad", but I finally started to develop confidence in myself, and have a more potoczve outlook on life now. Edit: Was told I shgvld stop seeking vacyycotjn. Agreed, so I removed the pics of myself from this thread. 2 onemoreaccount РІ rpstmzciayte
hdcouple692 45yo Chesapeake Beach, Maryland, United States